S4E12 Bob Wheeler
This week’s guest is Bob Wheeler, founder of “The Money Nerve” and the host of the podcast “Money You Should Ask”. The financial expert and motivator is also the author of a book (The Money Nerve: Navigating the Emotions of Money) and he offers a course “Mastering the Emotions of Money”.
On his podcast, Bob seeks to remove stigma of shame around financial literacy. He also addresses money and emotions in his chats with guests. The book “The Money Nerve” is about how to get healthy about money and conscious of issues around money.
Bob and I chat about his work as a comedian both in the time that he was starting out and then making it at The Comedy Store where he is currently the CFO. He was already a CPA when he started doing comedy and when Mitzi Shore called him to help with the finances at The Store he said yes.
Bob’s approach to his work is practical but he also brings compassion to his clients. He can demonstrate empathy for others in a constructive way because he has been “there” where many of them are.
Note from Rabiah (Host):
It was a lot of fun to talk to Bob. I always remember the feeling I had during recording when I edit and this was a nice and easy edit! I think what struck me most about Bob was that he is able to be funny but also take people’s issues around money seriously. He felt like a kindred spirit in a way. Brené Brown is an influence on him. When taking to someone who has read her and done “the work” on themselves it is almost obvious because of how they communicate and what they communicate. There is a common language. Brené has a new book out this week too so this episode is fitting.
Rabiah and Bob chat comedy, finances and Brené Brown.
Find Bob
Mentioned on the episode
Transcript
[00:04:13]
Rabiah (Host): Welcome to More Than Work, the podcast reminding you that your self worth is defined by more than your job title. I'm Rabiah an IT Project Manager, Comedian, Nonprofit Volunteer and sometimes activist. Every week, I'll chat with a guest about pursuing passions outside of work or creating meaningful opportunities inside the workplace.
As you listen, I hope you'll be inspired to do the same. Here we go. .
Hello from California. I'm still in the States. Still enjoying time with my family. And just honestly, enjoying being out of the cold. I'm not a big sunshine person, to be honest with you. So people are asking, are you enjoying the sun? And I'm like, not really, cause I can get burned more easily, but I'm enjoying that it's sunny outside and just nice out and [00:05:13] that the day is like about 45 minutes longer here in California than it would be in London.
But it's also pretty stressful because I've been used to, and I don't know if people are dealing with this , but I was used to just kind of my kind of isolated lifestyle. And now I'm doing my best to be present with everyone. And, it's tricky because I have the podcast and school and work and all the things that are okay when it's just me but the minute stuff started opening in London. It became tougher, announced. So just a heads up, I am going to be taking a couple of weeks off of the podcast coming up at the end of the year. And in the spirit of More Than Work,
and in the spirit of this episode too, where my guest, Bob Wheeler, will talk a little bit about balance. I think it's important to enjoy what we're doing and do what we enjoy, but also know when we need a break and I'm doing fine but I'm going to take a break and I'm encouraging everybody else too, as obligations, change with the holidays and stuff to do that.[00:06:13]
If you hear from me and I ask you if you've listened to this episode or any episode, and you haven't just say, no, I'm busy. That's fine. Uh, so this episode is cool. Bob Wheeler's the CFO at the comedy store, which I hope to perform at one day in my comedy career. I hope to be doing it long enough and to be good enough to do that.
And so Bob's on the show and we're talking a lot about his business and podcast, and he does a lot of work around stigma with money and emotions around money that could resonate with some people listening. I think it will. It definitely did with me. And I definitely understand a lot of what he was talking about.
And then we also talked a little bit about comedy and that was a lot of fun to do and really educational. And we talk about Mitzi Shore, which if you listen to WTF with Marc Maron, or you listen to me or follow me on Twitter, you probably know I love Marc Maron and he talks about Mitzi Shore a lot on that show, or he used to because of his work at The Comedy Store.[00:07:13]
And it was just cool to have someone talk about her on my podcast and also just awesome to always here by her, because she seems like she was just really strong, powerful woman. And I was glad to have that subject talked about on my podcast. So I thank Bob during the show, but I'll thank of him again for doing that just cause it was, it was special for me.
And it was nice just as someone who is doing comedy to hear a little bit about her.
I am doing a gig. I might as well announced that in case anyone in Los Angeles is listening. I'm doing a gig on the 18th of December at Tao Comedy Studio. So that's exciting. And I'm also going to a gig. I'm seeing Mark Maron at Largo
so that's awesome. So I'm just excited about some comedy stuff coming up, and then I'm going to do a gig in San Diego with some friends. So pretty cool to have some stuff going on here in Southern California while I'm seeing family and taking a break. But, I think I'll leave it at that. So enjoy this episode.
It's fun. We have a good time and I really just [00:08:13] loved talking to Bob.
Rabiah (Host): Alright, well, welcome back everyone. This week, my guest is Bob Wheeler. He's a financial expert and motivator, a book, author, and founder of The Money Nerve. How's it going?
Bob Wheeler: it's going great. It's going great. You got it right? Nerve, not nerd.
Rabiah (Host): I know, I know. And I've been listening to your podcast and I just, I hear you saying that and it, it cracks me up every time.
Bob Wheeler: I'm both. I get on people's nerves and I'm a nerd. So.
Rabiah (Host): Well, thanks for being here, Bob. Where am I talking to you from?
Bob Wheeler: I am calling in from west Los Angeles.
Rabiah (Host): Nice.
Bob Wheeler: It's, it's actually a little overcast where we might actually, it might drop into the seventies.
Rabiah (Host): Wow. It's really getting, it's really getting to that bad weather there.
Bob Wheeler: really getting bad. We had some sprinkles.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, I know. Yeah. Not like here in London where I've now gotten used to the rain and I'm kind of disturbing my son, you know. I'm gonna have to reacclimate to the [00:09:13] U S pretty soon.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah,
Rabiah (Host): so we can actually start with your podcast and then work back from there, I think, because I've been listening to it. Your podcast is "Money You Should Ask". So what's your podcast about?
Bob Wheeler: So our podcast is about money and emotions. And the whole premise of everything that I'm doing really is to start these conversations about money to really help remove the stigma of shame around financial literacy and to let people know that they're not alone, because that is the other big piece I get is people feel very isolated.
Nobody's. You're running around saying, oh my God, I just filed bankruptcy. You should see my credit card debt. It's amazing. Right. We don't share that stuff. I have a lot of clients that are incredibly successful, you know, multi-millions whatever. And they still are basic people who have shame around having too much or not enough, or being worthy.
And so the podcast, I love talking with people and really digging in learning about their [00:10:13] childhood. You were the, you, the rich kid. Were you the kid on the free lunch program? Did you have access to books? Like what was your story and how were you socialized as a kid? And then how have you carried that into your adulthood and where are we making unconscious financial decisions daily a hundred times a day?
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, and that's true. The people who are successful, they'll sometimes share about their money, right? Either you'll see it or they'll tell you, oh, I have this much. I have friends like that who say, oh, I saved this much money. Or my parents gave me the down payment or for whatever.
And I'm like, that's cool. I'm still paying my student loans. And there is no down payment, although I'm not going to buy anything anyway. And that's kind of like at 42, me deciding not to purchase something as shameful in a way, or having credit card debt or whatever. So I like how you do get people just to open up about that.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah. well, it's so important. There's no, there's no right or wrong. So, for some people, renting is exactly what people [00:11:13] need to be doing. Some people that want to be able to have freedom or move around and owning a house is going to keep you stuck. Or as you know, rich dad, poor dad would say. It's a liability when you've got a house because there's lots of debt there.
If, if you need access to cash, you may not be able to get it. So it's, it's again, it's not that it's a right or wrong. It's what works best for you. What works best for me and I am I okay with it?
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. Your podcast though, is it kind of complimentary to your book "The Money Nerve"? Cause I understand that's about the emotions too, right?
Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. So I think there, they're similar in that we're talking about money and emotions and unconscious decisions, intentionality, and all of that. The podcast is more really talking to people about gender bias about economics and like all these different places and really getting people's personal stories where they like share vulnerable stuff. In the book, [00:12:13] it's more about how do I start to get healthy with my relationship with money? How do I start looking at what I say, what I do. How do I look at my money history and, and, and then bring it into the present? And so the book is more a tool of how to get healthy and get conscious around our money blocks and our money beliefs.
And the podcast is just letting you hear lots of other people going through stuff that you thought you were the only one doing. And so I really think they compliment each other because it's being able to see it in real time with people who are, some of the people are like really, really successful on paper, right?
And they'll share some just really crazy stuff.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. And the fact is too, I guess once you get to a point where you can admit you're unhealthy in that and financially anyway, then you can go and say, okay, and I can fix it because I think what happens to a lot of people and I'll just speak from personal experience. You get in this overwhelming debt where you start to like, do that whole transfer [00:13:13] balances to different credit cards.
That's horrendous,
Bob Wheeler: It's horrible And it's exhausting.
Rabiah (Host): yeah. It's like, I'm not tracking that. You know, I have spreadsheets for, for my stage time and spreadsheets for vacations. I'm not gonna have spreadsheets about when I need to balance transfer things. That's awful, you
Bob Wheeler: it's terrible. And then you just want to bury your head. It it's exhausting. And I, and I think, you know, for me, because I had the street cred of being a CPA and everybody had this expectation, there was embarrassment for me when I was first starting out. I was not managing my money well. I could tell everybody else what to do and then I would not follow my own advice because I had. Well, there's an exception. There's an exception. Well, the reason is, and, and like everybody else. And so being able to talk about that stuff, when I had a client one time say, you must be so ashamed of me. You must be really like, disappointed. You probably want to drop me.
And I said, the only reason I can sit here and give you compassion and empathy is because I've been there. I have done so many things so completely [00:14:13] wrong that I'm able to access. We able to help you because I can cause I've been there. Not because I did it. Perfect. And I'm not interested in people that do it.
Perfect. Because they're lying. Just lie.
Rabiah (Host): it's like, show me the receipts. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and so then you just said you're a CPA and right now you're also CFO at The Comedy Store. Professionally, you're definitely bonafide in money management for corporations or entities. But what made you decide to go and write the book and to focus on individuals when you could just be fine doing what you're doing?
Bob Wheeler: Doing what I'm doing and just pretend like it was all perfect. And I just did it all right. Yeah,
absolutely. Well, here's a couple of things. One when I started working with my clients and they were going out and doing exactly the opposite of what I thought was really sound practical advice, right? They would go out and just completely do something [00:15:13] different.
Like, what are you doing? Well, you know, but when I was seven, okay, wait, whoa. So my tax appointments started turning into therapy sessions and I thought, wow, if I can't understand where they're coming from, I can't really give them any advice because they're not going to listen, right?, Cause we all know better.
We all know what we should be doing. We're just not doing it. So the question is, "Why?" And so that became really important to me. At the same time, because I did have the street cred as being a CPA, even though I was completely messing up my own financial life, cause I wanted to be a standup comic. I wanted to do these other things.
I wanted to save the world and all this stuff and you know, you just don't get paid for that. And so I had to look at my own personal journey and some beliefs and blocks that I had because I was making really good money.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: And I didn't have any, but I had to trace back. My parents got divorced when I was in like eighth grade, ninth grade.
And my mom said, whether it was joking, whether whatever, like I took it on, she said, you know, you have to be really rich and successful so that your siblings and I can [00:16:13] have the life we deserve. I have four siblings. And I said, F that I'm not taking care of all of you. So I will purposely make sure that I empty my bank account
so when you ask for money, I can go, I don't have any.
Rabiah (Host): Hmm.
Bob Wheeler: Instead of actually just setting a boundary, it was easier to just drain the accounts. And so looking at all that and realizing how many people struggled, I started doing some workshops and what happened with writing the book? I was actually at the comedy store in the main room during the day, one time.
And a friend came in and she was a, and she's a comic. She's a well-known comic now. And I said, what's up? And she said, well, I just came from my family who are all doctors. And everybody just shamed me into my choice of being a comic. And she wasn't known at the time. And I just said, you know, you don't want to be all those people you think you do because they don't have their finances together any more than you do.
And she's like "what?" I'm like most people are just presenting really [00:17:13] well. And you're just being honest. And she couldn't believe that. And I said, you know what? We got to start having these conversations. When you see stuff on social media, it's just a snapshot, right?
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: And we don't know everything. It's just like when you see a picture of an iceberg . You're only seeing the tip. There's so much underneath that we're not seeing or understanding, and we're just looking at and making a snap judgment from that. And so for me, it just felt really important to start providing a safe space where people could just share what was true without judgment, and really just start to work through it.
Rabiah (Host): And just hearing that too, cause sometimes I'll sit here and go, oh, I wish I had pursued something else, but I ended up doing a career, even though I actually have this side of me that's creative and, just wasn't even something I considered because I was so afraid of not having money for so long.
That was one, there are two reasons that's one of them, but then it turns out, yeah, I was making good money, but living in New York City, which means you don't have anything,
Bob Wheeler: Yeah, [00:18:13] exactly.
Rabiah (Host): The more you make it, New York, the more you spend that's it.
and, and, you know, I can understand feeling that way and just kind of feeling judged by people like, well, you're doing well, therefore I assume you have a bunch of money too, know, that's a weird one.
Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: And you know, and what's doing well? I know people that are incredibly happy that live off of $24,000 a year in Los Angeles. And 24,000 is a good year for them. And I'm thinking what?
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: in a year? I'm spoiled rotten now. But let me tell you, there were times when I was probably making 24,000 in a year.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. I remember my first job, the first one, I got a salary and it was 33,000 a year. And I thought I was just, wow, I've really made it, you know? And then I found out, well, that was a weird one because then you found that the guys who got hired that same year got about...
Bob Wheeler: a little bit more...
Rabiah (Host): A little bit more, you know, that was, you found that out later, [00:19:13] but
Yeah.
you know, so that's interesting.
And also, you do have an online course "Mastering the Emotions of Money, right? So how's that work for people?
Bob Wheeler: Yeah. So that again is it's really, that takes the book and puts it on steroids. You know, it's really digs in and really challenges you to really start looking at that stuff. You know, one of my clients said, you know what, you're my therapist loves you because I'm doing two or three sessions per chapter.
Geez. There was so much stuff. And, and that's the thing. We don't realize how much financial trauma let alone just any trauma that we're carrying, deep in our bones. And so going through the mastering, the emotions really helps to start giving us the tools to say, oh, I could draw a boundary. I could say no. Learn how to role play, and actually find the ways to start to actually move ahead.
Does it mean you're going to get there overnight? No, you didn't get [00:20:13] into debt overnight. You're not going to get out overnight more than likely, but at least you can start taking the steps, moving towards financial freedom and it actually can happen a lot quicker. I've seen it happen for people when they really set that intention. But you gotta be aware of your beliefs that tell you that's not possible for me. Everybody else could do the course, but me. Everybody else could do these 20 things and they would be amaz...Not for me. Right. And then we have to change that mindset.
Rabiah (Host): Well, when we look at our mental health that way, and I think what you're saying reminds me a lot of Brené Brown in a way.
Bob Wheeler: Oh yeah,
Rabiah (Host): how she,
you know, how sh I mean to, and it's, and she's so great. And she's helped a lot of people, including myself, understand boundaries from an emotional perspective, but financially it's very different because depending on who you are and what position you are in your family, it'll either feel like, kind of what you said,
you'll, it'll be put on you somehow that you are supposed to take care of anyone, everyone, or you'll think you're supposed to just because that's where you [00:21:13] that's, where you were in the lineup. Or you'll think, well, I can never, I'll never have any savings anyway, so I will just spend. Or, you know, the gratification people get. I mean, there's all kinds of reasons, but people look at mental health and physical health in these ways, but not really financial health.
Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. Well, you know, it's so interesting. I hear so many stories on the podcast, in private, where you know, mom and dad give you a piggy bank and you're going to save. And then mom and dad, Rob your piggy bank day. Our monthly and all of a sudden it's like, okay, well that doesn't work. Right. And then, well, there's no point in saving cause somebody is going to come and take it.
And then so all these things start to happen when we're little. I mean, my parents were terrible with money and it was only later in life when my dad sort of got fired from one job and got into a different sort of career that he started making money. It wasn't because he was smarter about money. You know, he went to, he was like, well, you know, now that I make a lot of money, I'm like, dude, you got lucky.[00:22:13]
Like you didn't do anything different. still operating the same. And I think that's like, so until we can start to get aware of that, that there is all this financial trauma as kids, you lost the milk money. You're stupid. You know, I want a puppy for Christmas. You're greedy. Oh my God. Right. And, and it hits us hard when we're five and six.
Rabiah (Host): yeah, for sure. And then you're operating in that way when you're older. I mean, the whole thing about. Inner child work and stuff, you can quickly find out where some of your money attitudes come from.
Bob Wheeler: Well, absolutely because we never updated the software and we're still operating on DOS.
Rabiah (Host): So looking at all this though, and how you've kind of diversified what you're doing, what I want to talk to you a little bit about is having a position of a CFO and then having a position of a CPA with private clients, and then having the podcast and having the course; how do you feel like all that kind of helps you with balance?
Even though you're doing a lot of stuff, it [00:23:13] seems like maybe you do get some joy out of a certain part of it that's kind of helping overall.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, it's interesting. Some people say, oh my God, you worked so much. And I would actually say, well, I just follow a lot of my passions. It's not work for me because I enjoy it. So when I'm sitting with clients and doing tax sessions and I'm helping people tax strategies, or like all that kind of stuff, I love figuring out where we can push the envelope and save some money here.
And it's like moving parts because I work with entrepreneurs and complicated tax structure and that's fun to me, like it's a game. And I could just get caught up in that sometimes because I love those mind games of, oh, we could do this and this and oh, that, that does work. Right. And so that's fun. Managing staff and all that stuff is a pain in the ass, which is why I brought in a partner.
And she's amazing. She handles the staff, she deals with all that stuff. And I get to deal with the clients, which is where I have fun. In terms of CFO of The Comedy Store, you know, I first [00:24:13] got involved with The Comedy Store, cause I was doing standup comedy. I was running a show there and I get a call from Mitzi and she's like, "Bob, this is Mitzi Shore, you gotta help me. We're having trouble." I'm like, oh my God, I just want to be a comic. And they had all these payroll tax liens that were about to close the doors. And again, because I was a CPA, the banks, I was able to get a loan and say, look, I have this whole business plan. And we're we're I didn't have a business plan, but because I was a CPA, they believe me.
Right. And. I for me being the CFO, it was more important about keeping all three rooms open because The Store was struggling when I got there. And it's, it's, it's, you know, it's gone up and down even when it's thrived, that is not because of me, but I'm just saying, you know, I was able to help it in some really lean times to get through the other times
so other people could come in and bring in their expertise. But, you know, I just Mitzi was an amazing woman. And I think she was in a world where everybody was against her. She would say , comedy clubs, it's a man's world [00:25:13] and they're all out to get me. I was like, Mitzi, you're paranoid. She wasn't paranoid.
I at all, I, I hadn't experienced. I came back and I went Mitzi, I'm completely wrong. You're completely right. She goes, "I told you." I'm like, I will never question you again. You are the master. But getting to work with her was just like such a privilege. I got to travel with her and she, she just trusted herself.
You know what I mean? She was fearless or at least she showed that she was fearless even if she's inside, she was terrified. She did not, which she didn't care. And if somebody says something like, well, then get out or all the cuts I'll cut. I'll end the contract. What's it going to cut? I don't care.
Like she was just that confident. It was an amazing woman, amazing woman. So for me, those two things are, were great. And then bringing in the emotion and the therapeutic piece just felt natural. After years and therapy from all the damage? No.
That's why it's good to have parents that love, you know, love you and abuse you mentally because you, you know, you help the system down the line.
Otherwise I would have just [00:26:13] been a quiet, boring person just going. Ah, so, you know, thank you, mom and dad, but with lots of love, I don't, I don't, I don't
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. I mean, it's good. It's no, well, no. I mean, you spend a year working on just that alone, that alone.
Bob Wheeler: it only took you a year. That's amazing. I'm still, I'm still working on that one.
Rabiah (Host): No, no, but I mean, you just kind of, you know, you spend time on... I think any someone I talked to this week, I don't know which order the episodes will be on, we were talking about therapy also.
It's just come up a lot lately for whatever reason. And I do think that going through therapy does give you the ability to be more compassionate to other people. I mean, that's one of the big benefits, even if it's not even the people go, I don't need therapy. Well, you need compassion. I can tell you that get it some way. you know.
Bob Wheeler: I totally agree. I, you know, I think what happens is, and for many of us is that we don't do therapy and we just have our own experience and so [00:27:13] everybody else must have the same shared experience. For me, traveling was a great way to see that the whole rest of the world did not live like me. What? Everybody doesn't have hot water.
Everybody doesn't have like the choice of 22 grocery stores with thousands of options and 87 kinds of bread, right? You just get bread.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: and there's no like, oh, I only need like the, the lowland goat milk with, like it's so ridiculous so over the top, we are, you know, I want my coffee stirred by little Thai butterflies that have, you know, soaked and so forth, silkworms, whatever it's
so over the top. Other people are like, I'll be happy with a cup of water in a dirty cup. Right. And so traveling for me, but therapy, I think it's, I always go into a kicking and screaming, right? But when I come out on the other side I'm so much better for it. And, and that's what I love about Brené Brown is because she, she's done the research so I can talk, you know, touchy, feely, but she's done the research and [00:28:13] she's gone into it kicking and screaming. And so I love that this piece about the more vulnerable we are, actually, the more connected we are, which completely doesn't make any sense. But it actually is true.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, well, the one for me, I agree a hundred percent because I think just normalizing vulnerability has made it a lot easier, even for me to at work, to address something. Like sometimes if I'm feeling bad, I'm able to tell my boss now he probably would prefer, I didn't do that. You know? But at least I can, because at least then I can explain how I'm feeling and then alter what's going on rather than, but like five or 10 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that. I probably just would've had an attitude probably almost quit for some stupid thing or whatever, you know?
Bob Wheeler: Yeah.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. So it's, it's good. Well, so looking at you doing comedy and then your getting this call, which I think to have Mitzi Shore discussed on my podcast is awesome.
First of all, so thank you Bob. [00:29:13] I really appreciate it. I feel like like Maron Jr. now finally. But looking at doing standup and you were already a CPA at the time, is that right? So did you start doing standup after that or were you doing standup before and then you also found your career?
Bob Wheeler: I was doing accounting first and I was taking classes and sketch comedy and improv. And some friends of mine said, you know, Bob, you've been doing classes for about two or three years, when are you going to get off your ass and go actually perform in public? I was like you know, I will one day and actually what happened was I went out and I auditioned for this sketch troop called Acme Comedy Theater, which is sorta like the Groundlings and I auditioned and they let me in.
I was like, oh my God, these people are so messed up. Dammit. I was trying to get out of having to perform. Why did they me? Dammit. So I got in and I did that, and that was great. And then I decided I didn't want to share the stage anymore, right? Like, sketch is great because if you have a terrible sketch, you can go, it [00:30:13] was the other two.
Like I was brilliant, but they sucked. But when you get to stand up. Or you can blame the audience, but usually it's you. And you know, standup was really great for me because in real life, you know, I had to be the good boy. I was quiet. And, but in stand up, I could say really mean things. And then just go "kidding."
Like, "I would never do that", "but I would", "but I wouldn't" right? And so it was a great place for me to sort of have my free therapy and for, as for a lot of comics. And so I started doing the comedy and it, that's where I really felt a lot of passion and pleasure. I think for me, what's interesting and I've only shared this a few times and I'm getting more comfortable sharing it.
It's been interesting as I got more confident in my comedy and actually was getting people looking at me, there was a place where I panicked a little bit. And I thought, wait a minute, people are starting to look at me. What if something actually happens? What if they actually booked me for a show like a TV show or something?
Ah - the accounting is a lot safer. I just have to talk to numbers and occasionally talk to a person. And I could find where I would self-sabotage [00:31:13] a little bit when I would start to really get some visibility. I would sort of go hide for a bit, you know? And, and I think partly too, you know, my mom was an artist, never made any money. So, financially terrible.
And I thought, I don't want to live financially struggling. Like I just don't want to do that. I grew up in a big family. My parents did not have a lot of money. Five kids. We weren't, we weren't like the poorest. We did not like we didn't starve. But we had our electricity turned off many times and cooked marshmallows and hot dogs and the fireplace for dinner.
Which is why I always like to make sure my house has a fireplace, but like I'm gonna have to cook hot dogs and, you know, so I think it was real back and forth because I didn't have the confidence of like, of who I was, that if I actually succeeded that I could actually stand and tolerate all the attention.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, that that makes a lot of sense. And I think, I mean, part of that's a whole imposter syndrome thing too. Do I deserve to be [00:32:13] here? And even at my level where it's just an open micer more or less. And I even demeaned myself there because I have gotten paid a couple of times and it has been, you know, fun.
I know that feeling of just almost like, well, maybe I shouldn't be funny tonight. Cause if they laugh too much, then I get it. Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: Well, Yeah. because if they laugh too much, then maybe I don't want to do a new joke because that old joke works. So if I do it and then I'm not going to grow because I'm so busy, like, wait, this joke worked, never do another joke, right? Like, there's nothing better than 500 people just laughing, you know?
And you're like, Hey, oh my God, he's brilliant. You know, BCD like, oh my God, like some nights is just that good. Right. You're just like, I don't know. But my mantra going on stage, and even when I was doing commercials and stuff, cause I worked with this, what was Kipp? I can't remember his last name, but he, he was the dad of Chris Kattan from Saturday Night live.
And he would say you got to have a mantra. And so my mantra was always, I don't know what works. Like I don't know it works so that I would take the pressure off because I never knew, [00:33:13] like I would go out and people are like, you're so funny. I'm like, really? Like, I didn't like, what, what specifically? Like, could you like, could you help me?
Like, you know, so I knew I had something, but I didn't know what. When you're doing comedy, sometimes you just, in the moment you can do things or make faces. And it's not like some people are very specific. I will move my left arm and tilt my elbow and I'll get a laugh. I'm like, Hmm. Yeah.
I'm not that good.
I'm just going to be like, I'm going to just throw it out there and be me a mess. And so it was, that was my mantra. I don't know what works and it just took the pressure off of trying to be perfect or meeting an expectation.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, I think that in general, that's a good mantra, right? Because sometimes you're going to go into a situation and yeah. If you add all these expectations to it, then chances of disappointment are greater. I mean, that's the bottom, bottom line.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah.
what keeps you humble? Right? Because the minute I know what works,
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, totally. Well, I know a couple of people who do comedy, [00:34:13] listen to this. I'm just going to ask you something like, I would like to ask someone who's done it more than me. I have a career. I'm in marketing now in IT, but then I do comedy because that's really what I love. And like I liked the, for me, the writing parts of the fun part. And just kind having this line through things that don't seem related and then doing it on stage. And the biggest compliment I've gotten actually for me was, oh, you're very organized.
Bob Wheeler: Sorta like, hilarious, better, but organized
Rabiah (Host): I was like, thank you so much. So yeah, your set was just really organized. I was like, thank you. You know? And I mean, they laugh too, but that was good.
But do you, did you ever go and look at it and say, God, I'm spending all this time doing. I'm not making a dime at one point, you know, when you're doing the early on stuff. And am I wasting my time? Because for me, sometimes some nights it's hard for me to leave the flat and go do it because I know I'm going to be gone for six hours for five minutes set.
But then on the other hand, like when I get home, I go, yeah, I wish I would have never been anywhere else, but, but [00:35:13] there for that six hours, right?
Bob Wheeler: Yeah.
I, so for me, yes, I would have loved to have been on an allowance while I was, was doing comedy. You know, that would have been nice. Or just to have, you know, wealthy patrons, just give me money so that I could pursue it. But I never regretted all the time that I spent, because I love, I love going up, I love making people laugh. Have there been a couple of times I almost pooped my pants cause I was terrified. Absolutely. You know, really big crowds are a real big expectation. But it was also cool. I remember I was doing a show at the improv and it was Judy Carter was having. Class peep, you know, she was having her students do a show and it was a packed house.
And so it's still a packed house and they just weren't laughing at anybody. Like they just were not laughing. And so she brought me in to just sort of like help spice up the room a little bit. And, you know, what I had learned was when there's really bad energy, as you walk out of the room and you come back in with new energy, like I'm just going to bring a new energy from outside, [00:36:13] right? And I just brought in this new energy, I walked up and I just started, like, I just was committed. I was going to make these people have a good time and it really shifted the energy of the room. And you know, her and Diane Nichols are like, wow, that like really shifted everything. She said like, your, your humor is very maccabre, you know, it's a bit dark and but it shifted the whole energy and being able to like, see that shift and literally feel the whole room turn and be, oh yeah, we're here for comedy and we're here to laugh and, and then enjoy the rest of the show.
People were like, thank you. You know, and then sometimes you're the one that takes the hit.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: and this is a joy.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. I went after someone the other week and there was no way and no one regained it, it was just kind of like, well, we're all trying really hard, but they just didn't, I don't know what they thought they were there for a funeral or something. I'm pretty sure, like, I don't know what these guys were coming
Bob Wheeler: my God. But never turn on the audience. Right? Don't make it about them. Like, what I've done is when somebody's really good. If it [00:37:13] goes up in front of me and I'm slightly intimidated, I'm just like, oh my God, give it up for them. Give it up. They're amazing. All right. Now let's really lower
the expectations.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah, exactly.
Bob Wheeler: Lower it down to zero. Nothing, you know.
And usually that's enough to shift it, give him enough accolades and really then go, and we're moving into a different chapter. Not quite as exciting.
Rabiah (Host): yeah. For sure. And other jobs, you wouldn't turn on your customer. , or like I've been a project manager for years. I wouldn't have a bad review from the client and then say, oh, well it's all of them or, oh, it's you guys. And see how quickly we lose the account. You can't do that. So I agree. It's it's for me, I always treat it kind of like a job. I mean, it's, you know, and I think some people don't and that's fine, but
Bob Wheeler: Yeah, but it's like, I love all of it. Even, even the, you know, I, so the first year or so went really, really well for me. Like I would go places and, and it would just work. And I got into this competition and which I hate competitions, but probably. you know,
[00:38:13] trauma traumatized from this experience. But anyway, I went up and did it and they told him, you know, it needed to be squeaky, clean Disney stuff.
And I had all my Disney stuff and very clean. And I was the only I was the only white comic and it was not my people and everybody else, there were three male comics that went before me and believe me, they went so dark and dirty and filthy. And then I'm like Disneyland!
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: We hate you go die.
And I was like, oh my God, this was like 32 hours. And you know, incredibly painful. And after that I would go some places and I would tell a joke and two people just look at me and go, are you a mortician? Like, are you trying to kill everybody what's going on here? That it was so painful. You know, there's this one comic.
She goes, you must have a really good tape. Cause I always see you everywhere. I'm like, oh, and I'm funny sometimes. Lady. And it was painful, right.? But I just kept getting up. I kept getting up and then one day after about six or seven months of pure hell I was in a [00:39:13] coffee shop and I started telling a couple of jokes and it just started hitting. And maybe they were 15, 20 people, but afterwards people were like, dude, where have you been? I'm like, "hiding in my pain. But thank you." But you know, but like it was worth pushing through ,because then after that, it didn't matter. Like, you know, you could throw things at me and as long as it wasn't a knife and like, I'd be good,
Rabiah (Host): Yeah.
Bob Wheeler: but I don't regret any of it, but it was quite painful.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. It's a, it's an interesting, it's an interesting one to pursue, but I think what's nice is the people who don't do comedy seem to have a lot of respect for anyone who does, which is.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah.
Rabiah (Host): Cool, you know, and I agree with it. Well, thanks for sharing about that. Just cause that's something niche that you could talk about that not everyone who's on can talk about.
So do, did we not cover anything that you would want to cover?
Bob Wheeler: you know, I think for me, you know, you talk about like the balance and all those things. For me, it's following your passion, [00:40:13] whatever you're doing, whether it's work, whether it's a hobby, whether it's a side gig, like, am I having fun? Like, am I enjoying this? Because if I'm not having fun, if I'm not happy for most of the time, I don't expect, you know, happiness and singing animals all the time.
But like, if I'm not enjoying it, like, I'm out. Whatever it is. And so for me, some people will say, wow, I work a lot, but I'm not. I just have so many things I want to do. And I only have so many hours in a day just like everybody else. And so I get my rest in, I get my vacations, but like, I want to show up in a way. Me personally, I want to have impact. Like I'll own that. And I think most of us do most of us just secretly. I had so much shame about saying, I want to have impact. Like I want to make the world a better place and I hope everybody else out there does too. And so, find the balance, but do what nourishes and feeds your soul because life is not promised. Tomorrow is not promised.[00:41:13] Show up in the best way possible and go for it.
So that's what I would say is, like enjoy what you're doing, because there are so many people that don't have that opportunity. And some people just never get to live their lives. It's really it's unfortunate.
Rabiah (Host): well, thanks. That's great. And I normally ask, do you have any advice, but I think that we've got it. So that's perfect.
Rabiah (Host): I have a set of questions called the Fun Five, which you have a
Bob Wheeler: Some similar the Fast Five. but I love the Fun Five.
Rabiah (Host): Exactly. So mine are fun. Yours are fast and still fun. It's still fun too. So if you want to make these fast, that's fine.
All right. So what's the oldest t-shirt you have and still wear?
Bob Wheeler: Oh my God. I have a t-shirt that is probably about 30 years old. And it's from, it's got a picture of the Sun and a friend of mine got it, like this, a solstice concert. And it's just the coolest thing. And so I still wear it. And even though it's like slowly falling apart, so I pick and choose when I wear it, because I [00:42:13] can't figure out how to fix the little holes that are starting to form.
And I just, I just refused to give it up, but it's 30 years old.
Rabiah (Host): Awesome. That's great. Okay, cool. And that's, that's good. Cause a lot of people threw stuff away during the pandemic and it's been really unfortunate for this question, to be honest. All right. So if every day was really Groundhog's day, like people felt for awhile, what song would you have your alarm clock set to play?
Bob Wheeler: What would it be? It would probably be this would be really dark, maybe Mad World. That's not very happy. Man, let me pick a better song. I guess it would be maybe "Manic Monday".
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. Oh, cool. Well that's when, at least, and if you just shut it off soon enough, you won't get sick of it all the time, you know? All right. Coffee or tea, or neither?
Bob Wheeler: Coffee. I love both, but coffee.
Rabiah (Host): How do you take your coffee?
Bob Wheeler: A little bit of half and half and a little bit of teaspoon of sugar. And I like it strong,
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. [00:43:13] Cool. Can you think of a time and this, you probably have many times that you laughed so hard you cried? Or just something that always makes you laugh when you think about it, just from the memory.
Bob Wheeler: Probably my other siblings' pain. We, we used to just terrorize each other and like, I would sit like I was sneak into the bathroom and sit for hours waiting for my older sister to go into the bathroom. Just when she thought it was safe, I would jump out of the closet, she would hit the ceiling. And we still to this day, laugh about that stuff.
It just, we did, we were, we tortured each other and we got lots of pleasure out of it. And we didn't hate each other. Cause it was, it was part of the game.
Rabiah (Host): Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I mean, siblings, there's this thing that you have with no one else besides them. Okay. And last one who inspires you right now?
Bob Wheeler: Who inspires me? Well, I would actually, you know, we talked about Brené Brown. I think she's probably somebody right now that I [00:44:13] really resonate with. I just, I, I love what she's bringing. And I think she really helps me get out there. Jeff Brown would be another person who does a lot of writing from a psychological point.
Those are the kinds of people that inspire me, people that are talking about their emotions cause I used to pretend like I had zero. And I still like, ah, if I had them, I would feel that, but I don't. But yeah, so people that are helping me to tap into my expression of emotions.
Rabiah (Host): Cool. Great. And then if people want to find, you I'll have a bunch of links in the show notes and everything, but just for you to tell people where you'd like them to go first.
Bob Wheeler: Yeah, absolutely. So The Money Nerve, N E R V E, not nerd, right? The Money Nerve, we've got resources, we've got the online course access and links to the, to the podcast the book and all that stuff. And, you know, we love people to reach out and share their stories, or just if they've got a struggle or they're feeling alone reach out. I've got an amazing staff and [00:45:13] like, we're really here to like be a space where people can, can reach out and express whatever's going on.
Rabiah (Host): Super well, Bob, it's been great to chat with you. Thanks so much for joining me.
Bob Wheeler: Absolutely. It's been a real pleasure and I hope hope you listeners got something to take away from this.
Rabiah (Host): Thanks again for listening this week, you can find out more about the guests in the show note and at rabiah said dot com (rabiahsaid.com). Joe Maffia created the music just for this podcast. Find him on Spotify. That's Joe M a F F I A. And Rob Metke is responsible for our visual design. You can find him online by searching for Rob M E T K E. Thanks, Rob.
Let me know who you'd like to hear from or about your own experiences to finding yourself outside of work. Follow at more than work pod (@morethanworkpod), or send a message on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or LinkedIn. Or, visit our website more than work pod dot com (morethanworkpod.com). Give us a follow on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts [00:46:13] and leave a review if you like. Thanks for listening to More Than Work. While being kind to others, don't forget to be kind to yourself.
