First Time Since 2019

I moved to London in January 2020.

Before I left the US, I saw Ezra Furman do an acoustic show at the Largo in Los Angeles in December of 2019. I’m a live gig person. I get a thrill out of seeing a big arena concert and I get an even bigger thrill in a small room with dirty sound. The Largo is wonderful and I love Ezra. I loved the show.

Leading up to and after my London move, I bought tickets to big shows and small shows. I was ready to see Jamie Cullum in London (a dream), Scary Pool Party at Scala (where I saw Jake Shears and danced the night away), Passenger, Genesis, Ricky Gervais (not a band, a man) and The Magic Numbers (ticking them off a list of bands I HAD to see if I still had my list from 2005).

We all know what happened. And no, I don’t think missing concerts was the biggest tragedy of the pandemic though for the artists who lost their livelihoods and had to stop doing what they love doing or do it online or find another way to make ends meet, it was certainly much more difficult than it was for fans like me who waited to see if shows would be cancelled or delayed.

In 2020, as shows were rescheduled, I suddenly had plans in late 2021 and even in 2022. With that, I had hope. One reason I like to have concerts and trips scheduled is that I have something to look forward to. As I anticipate a gig, I know I’ll feel something that I don’t feel anywhere else. I’ll feel the bass in my chest. I’ll feel my feet tap and shift. I’ll move because I am moved. I’ll sing badly and hope that the band is so loud the person in front of me can’t hear. I’ll clap until my hands hurt. I’ll cheer until my voice cracks. I’ll stand when people want me to sit and then sit because I know it is the right thing to do. I am not a musician but I love music. I am not a singer but I love to sing along.

Since my move, I have seen live music here and there; the occasional buskers near the Camden Town tube station and Spiritual Bar (which I adore and is a must-go if you’re near Camden) are two examples. But, I have not had to load up a ticket in the TicketMaster app or show the COVID pass I’m proud to have until last night.

On September 8, I went to Brixton to see Passenger. I had mixed feelings. Would I wear a mask? Would I feel safe? Was it worth the risk? I didn’t know but I had a ticket and I wanted to go. When I got the ticket, I didn’t have people to go with. I was happy to go alone. But since that time, I met a nice community of comics and performers online and they happened to be going. I met a guy who is in a band (Hello Amnesia) and he went with me (replacing the date I had purchased a ticket for and decided not to bring). I had people and I was happy to share the experience with those people. I was happy to look over and see someone I knew for a year and had just met for the first time in person smiling or bobbing their head. I was happy to see people I didn’t know raise a fist or a hand worship-style and sing at the top of their lungs. Oh, and I was happy to see the opener. Why didn’t I know about Gabrielle Aplin already? Oddly, she was in a Spotify playlist I had on today so maybe I randomly heard her before and didn’t realize it…

I had seen Passenger before in New York City at a much smaller venue and was blown away. This was different. I was so grateful to be in the room. I couldn’t stop the tears during the encore. No, I wasn’t sobbing to “Let Her Go” but I have done so before when listening at home. I cried when he sang “London in the Spring”.

Coming out of the lockdown part of the pandemic (make no mistake, we are not out of the pandemic) has been difficult for me. I built a life during the lockdowns and times of distancing that involved daily meditation, daily bike rides, work, zoom gigs and starting a podcast. I also started school. Nearly every interaction I had, save for the occasional chat with my friend at Whole Foods, took place inside my studio flat. The song reminded me of this.

Now, I’m taking the Tube with apprehension, meeting people in person and always wondering if I’m doing the right thing and if they are too. I’m testing myself at home 2-3x a week or more when I’m feeling…well, when I’m feeling more!

I am going to see Ricky Gervais next week and then Genesis the week after. They will all be different experiences. Passenger was my first gig in almost two years and I’m glad it was him. I watched his live streams during the pandemic and listened to his new music. He gave to us when so much had been taken from us. I hope that last night we were able to give to him too.

I was a podcast guest on Laugh for Life

When Henry Churney posted on Facebook seeking guests for his podcast “Laugh for Life” I was intrigued by the premise. Henry is a comic who also raises money for the charity “Young Minds”. You can find his site here. After hearing about the attempted suicide of his friend’s son, he took action to raise awareness and money.

I have not hidden my interest in raising money and awareness for various causes and appreciate this quality in others as well. Mental health is one of those causes. I don’t often talk in detail about my person experience with my mental health but felt safe to do so for this podcast.

Presently, anxiety and depression are part of my life but they don’t define my life. I have been privileged to have the resources available to me including good therapists and the funds to pay for them, friends and family who have allowed me to express my feelings and other help. This isn’t the case for everyone. I encourage anyone reading to reach out to the person you have been thinking of who you “meant to check in on”, or, if you are struggling reach out to someone. You may even be alleviating the guilt of a friend who is to ashamed to reach out after not doing so for so long.

Meanwhile, I am proud to share this episode of “Laugh for Life”. We had a very honest conversation and thank you to Henry for your work.

Listen to Laugh for Life Here

Back to School (and other decisions)

I decided to go back to school this year. I would say it was because of the pandemic but it wasn't. It was because I thought about it for 10 years or more and just never had the courage to do it. It is difficult to go back to school and to go back to those feelings of doubt about how well you'll do or fear that you won't be good enough.

I finished my first course towards the Public Leadership Credential at Harvard Kennedy School. I have five more to go. The first one I took was Moral Leadership in Personal Practice and I absolutely loved it. I encourage anyone to pursue the education you have been wanting.

I took these steps to decide on what program to attend before landing with the PLC program. Maybe they will help you decide on education plans or another big decision.

1. Identified what I wanted to learn (or for other decisions, any objective)

I wanted to learn more about public policy and management. I plan to join a non-profit board and possibly serve in government. I also look for volunteer opportunities consistently and want to do more in advocacy for organizations where I'm involved.

I looked at graduate programs and graduate certificate/credential programs and assessed the curriculum. Course syllabi are available online so you can get a good idea of what classes you'll take.

2. Sought advice

As I looked at programs and thought about what going to school would mean in practical terms, I started to wonder about whether I needed more education at all. I also wondered whether I needed a graduate degree (Masters) for what I want to do next or not.

I'm always happy to talk to friends, colleagues or even strangers about decisions they are facing and to help them by providing advice or giving them my perspective. I even have a podcast about it! (Shameless plug: check out More Than Work Podcast)

So, I decided that it was time that I sought advice. I wanted to talk to people who were in positions or organizations that interested me. I have two friends who are on non-profit boards and they put me in touch with leaders at those organizations. Lesson: ask your friends for help. They will help you!

I was struck by the fact that the President of one organization (which I now proudly volunteer for) and the CEO of another organization agreed to speak with me. It was incredible. Both women are very busy and were very generous with their time.

I also spoke to my CEO who I'm really lucky was happy to act as a mentor to me, and to another friend who I have known for almost twenty years and respect the opinion of.

All of these people presented me with different perspectives and none of them gave me THE answer. They did all give me the confidence to dig deep and determine what was right for me. The most important question I ended up being asked was; if you complete a program it changes nothing for your career and only ends up being for your personal growth, are you ok with that? My answer was YES.

3. Did a comparative analysis on aspects that were important to me

I decided that I did not require a Masters degree but that I wanted to pursue graduate education. I narrowed my decision down to four programs; three Masters programs and one credential program.

For each program that met my learning criteria, I assessed the following:

• Cost: Would I have to go into debt? How would I pay?

• Time: How long was the coursework? Could I do this part-time while I worked? What was the hourly commitment per week?

• Location: Is the course online or would I have to go to a physical location. I live in the UK but will eventually return to the US.

4. Determined if "now" was the right time

Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two different things. What had kept me from learning about policy, leadership and really enhancing my ability to fulfil my purpose (which is to serve others) for the past ten years? What was different now?

I decided that now was the right time. Let's face it, like anyone reading this, I'm not getting any younger. And, I do want to do more in service of my community. That desire to fulfil my purpose to serve grew exponentially in the last 5 years. I don't think that anything stops me from serving others now, and I do a lot of volunteer work, but I know that once I finish the PLC program, I'll be even better equipped to do more.

The last six weeks have been extremely challenging and a time of great reflection. They have also been a time of great reward. Part of my has changed and that part will continue to evolve.

If you are thinking about going back to school for a certificate, a degree, or even just a one day course, I encourage you to do that. If you have something else you've been meaning to do like learning a new instrument, trying a new sport or even just reading a book, I encourage you to do that. Our ability as humans to continue to learn and gain knowledge is truly a gift. I'm going to go enjoy my two weeks off until my next course. I have a podcast to edit, comedy to write and at least one email to return.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Let me know if it helps you make a decision.

Hindsight in 2020

I don’t like to make New Year’s Resolutions. To me, it is like planning for failure. I don’t know anyone who ever sticks with them. I know people who make them and people who break them. I like the idea of a word of the year but haven’t thought about it yet. I had time. I just didn’t do it like I didn’t do my holiday cards yet.

I do like to set goals for myself throughout the year and if I meet them, I am proud. If I do not, I will try to figure out why and practice forgiveness of myself if needed. This year was a year of goal-setting, goal-meeting and goal-failing but in all, despite the fact that we were in a pandemic, I want to celebrate some wins.

I want you to celebrate your wins too. I hope you do. You made it to the end of a really hard year and that is something to celebrate.

Here are the things I’m excited about from 2020:

• I moved to London. It took about 6 months longer than I thought it would and then when I did get here I wasn’t able to go too far outside my flat but I’m happy to be in a city I love and will experience more of it soon.

• I rode my bike 1530 miles this year. In a year when I traveled less by plane than I have in the past decade (17K miles), I spent more time exercising than I have in any year, and I am proud of that. I’m not too proud of the weight gain but I guess that means my cooking has improved!

• I kept doing comedy. In the new world comedy is mostly on Zoom but the opportunity to connect with other comics and audiences has been wonderful. Hosts have been very gracious in creating these shows for comics to do. I even have a gig tonight! I did at least 65 gigs this year both online and in-person when it was possible! I can’t wait to meet some of these people in person.

• I took two writing classes. I have not really shared a lot of my most personal writing before but I learned to do that this year and it was incredibly rewarding. Again, I got to meet some awesome people online too.

• I started my podcast. If you haven’t checked it out, please do! It’s called More Than Work I’m really proud of it and have interviewed really special individuals including one from TWLOHA which is an organization I hold dear. There is more to come next year.

• I built this website. My friend Rob did the design and has been the best friend and creative partner I could ask for.

• I participated in the 2020 election calling voters and texting them from my UK flat. I’m still participating as the GA election is imminently approaching. I felt fortunate to do this work even from abroad.

• I standup paddle boarded for the first time and even stood up! I also met some new friends at a women’s retreat. We haven’t been able to meet since but making friends as an adult is hard and this year it is even harder so it seems like something. I made another friend in London too who invited me to watch the Oscars with her when I was brand new to the city. People’s kindness shouldn’t be so surprising!

• I connected with my family and friends. I talk to my mom and sister almost daily. Some friends surprised me by reaching out and connecting more than ever before and that has been a joy. It’s pretty special to FaceTime with kids and to figure out how to entertain them (I don’t know how teachers do it). Or, to do a happy hour with friends that ends up lasting 5 hours! I hosted a Zoom baby shower too and never would have been able to attend this particular baby shower otherwise. The pandemic kept us socially distant but also brought us together in some cases.

What’s next?

I am pretty sure reality has set in for everyone but the end of 2020 doesn’t mean that with a switch 2021 will be easy. It is going to be tough. We are going into the next phase of the battle against COVID (since the war metaphor is the most handy to use). We are going to see increased regulations in our countries and cities. We are going to see the vaccine jabbed into our arms when our number comes up. And, we are going to see a shift back to normalcy that will probably come after we hoped it would. This isn’t a pessimistic view in my opinion, but a realistic one.

Realism is what got me through a lot of 2020. In April, I was already sure I wouldn’t be home for the holidays. That expectation setting I did with myself was helpful in reducing disappointment when it became reality. I’m going into 2021 with a realistic optimism. Things will get better but it will take place over time and until then I need to try to maintain realistic goals and expectations of myself.

So, no resolutions then?

I won’t make any resolutions tonight. I will continue to try to improve myself and to have a positive impact on others each day, to the best of my ability.

There are things I want to do next year and I’ll share them here in case seeing my list helps someone else. But, I’m not attaching anything to these things because if I have learned anything, it is that I can’t control a lot of what happens in the future for instance being told I have to stay inside for 6 days due to COVID exposure…

In the future, I’d like to:

• Meditate daily (I did hit 105 days in a row in 2020)

• Exercise daily (I rode my bike 115 days in a row in 2020).

• Blog more and write more

• Increase the reach of my podcast

• Keep performing comedy of course including working on some material about certain issues that I have been avoiding and start writing a show.

• I want to eat healthier and drink a little less.

• I want to travel when it is safe both to countries I have never been to in Europe and back home.

• Get more involved with volunteerism in the UK. I’m starting to work with SURF (donate if you like!). And, I want to work with the MS Society here as well as maintain my ties to the MS Society and Shatterproof back home.

• Be a kinder person and continue to improve myself in various ways.

Going Back to School

I’m starting my first course towards the Public Leadership Credential at Harvard Kennedy School in January. My goal is to understand more about policy and leadership to work towards more service-oriented work, advocacy and possibly join a non-profit board. I know my purpose is to serve. I was inspired by the nomination acceptance speeches of President Elect Biden and Vice President Harris and their service. I spent months researching education and career options, and I am very pleased to start this program. It’ll be a challenge but the education will surely be invaluable and make me a stronger contributor to society.

Last words about 2020:

Lastly, there are over 344,000 Americans dead as a result of COVID as I post this. People are out of work and suffering from a mental health perspective. There was civil unrest which turned into a global movement for racial justice, equality and equity. I’m in London but I will always be American and most people I care about are in the US. The response of the US Government has been atrocious. The UK hasn’t been much better but guidelines are clearer and the response is from the top. In the US, states have been left to fend for themselves. The leaders who are trying to do something have no support. January 20, 2021 will be the beginning of change. I am confident that if people can seek to understand and consider others when they act, 2021 will be the start of something better.

COVID Continues

Writing Location: My Studio Flat in London

This is probably really bad poetry but it is there most succinct way of expressing my feelings at the moment.

California is now purple.

London is in Tier 3.

But people still gather,

I see groups in the street.

The body count is rising.

Young and old are getting sick.

But people won’t wear a mask,

Or stay home and watch Netflix.

I’d like to blame the White House,

We all know Trump’s tricks.

But Covid fatigue and fake news,

Have made people rather thick.

They don’t remember to distance,

So families have to stay apart.

Thanksgiving is coming soon,

And many can’t go home.

I get asked “Why not go? It’s safe to fly.”

And I think, “If you don’t know, we still have so long to go.”

COVID Expat

Writing Location: Brewdog in Camden, London

This has been a strange, long year. I think everyone has seen at least one meme saying that March to August 2020 lasted more than a year. Or that 2020 is f*cked. But, strangely, it has also been a great year for me. That’s the lesson of 2020, isn’t it? Life can be really bad and really good at the same time.

Do you make lists? I like lists. They organize my thoughts in a way that makes the quantifiable. If I make a list of Pros and Cons for example, I can count the items in each list and then say, with some certainty, “Well, the pros outweigh the cons.” Of course, that only works if I don’t assign a value to each item. In that case, even if there are more Pros than Cons, if the items under Cons are given a higher value than the Pros, I could end up with the other situation. Then, I can’t use that familiar phrase. This year, I’m in that situation. I can list more Pros than Cons but the Cons are very heavy. Am I making sense?

Before I get to my list of the good in 2020, I want to say one thing about the bad part of 2020. I haven’t hidden where I stand politically. I stand to the left of center on almost any issue. I’ll take this opportunity to say I am 100% in for Biden-Harris 2020 and resisted writing a piece all about that at this time. I will say one more thing and then move on. Please VOTE if you’re a US citizen who is eligible to vote. Learn more about registering and how to vote by clicking this sentence. It hasn’t been much easier in the UK than it has in the US from what I can tell. And, in either case, I blame leadership at the top level. Also, I’m from California and think Governor Newsom is doing the best he can at each turn. Ok, I’m off my soapbox now. Back to the rest of 2020.

There have been some really awesome things that happened this year and I’ll focus on those. Here is a list:

1. I moved to London, from California. It was hard at the end. I was living with friends before I left and had to say goodbye to them. I was seen off by several friends and their kids at the airport. There were tears. Kids grow so fast. I had to say goodbye to my family. Those kids are growing fast too. I planned to see them in May so it was no big deal to leave in January. Now it has turned into a bigger deal.

2. I bought a bike and have ridden it well over 1000 miles, mostly around The Regents Park. There is a Zoo at Regent’s. I pass giraffes on my ride. When I’m lucky they are outside. During lockdown, I felt like they were my giraffes. Now humans are back in the zoo so they are the giraffes of ticketholders.

3. I have seen so much of London, from a bike. I have ridden a lot and even had a streak over 100 days going at one point.

4. I feel better and more fit. I meditated over 100 days in a row. I’m going to try for another 100 soon. I lapsed. I have to forgive myself in 2020 and not beat myself up. That’s so 2019.

5. I went to Scotland for the first time.

6. I have made a lot of online friends in comedy and even some real-life friends.

7. I have made people laugh in the UK.

8. I have written a LOT. I took a writing class and a comedy workshop both of which I would not have done so readily in lockdown. I have a lot of new material and I’m a better writer.

9. Professionally, I have had some cool projects and have connected with co-workers in a new way. My close work friends have become closer. I’ve made some new ones too. I have also become a Scrum Master and got my Adobe certification.

10. I have connected and reconnected with friends and family in a way I wouldn’t have if we weren’t all in this pandemic. I love them. I feel lucky, even when I’m lonely, because I know I can pick up the phone and reach people in quite a range of timezones who will answer.

11. I got this site up. My friend Rob designed it. He believed in me even when I was doubtful.

12. I’m launching a podcast again. I loved podcasting. I am excited to do it again.

13. I know I can get in better physical shape and I know I can handle a pandemic. 2020 has taught me that. I’m so unafraid, I’ll end my list on the number thirteen.

I encourage you to make a list if it helps. It doesn’t have to be written but can just be in your head. It is a challenge that, if you accept it, may lead to a moment of peace.

2020 has been pretty cool, but, it has also been pretty awful. I’ve been more stressed and anxious that I have been in a long time. I don’t know how we’ll get through it sometimes. And I’m so angry I end up saying really awful and sometimes really funny (despite being awful) things.

We have a few more months to go and then its 2021 and we probably have to go into that a little patient because it is going to be an extension of 2020 for a time, until there is a vaccine.

I’ll leave you with this; take care of yourself and then take care of each other. It is ok to feel both joy and not joy (there are a lot of words for it) at once. Oh, and watch Father of the Bride (3ish). It’s really good and the perfect excuse for a good cry whether you think you need it or not.

Hello World

Writing Location: Brewdog in Camden, London

This has been a long time coming. I’d be more specific but all of it has; the blog, the podcast, and the comedy before a year and a half ago are all something I did before and intended to keep doing or in the case of comedy were new and something I wanted to do for twenty years.

Welcome to my website.

I will post some popular and unpopular opinions.

I will post some stories and poems (if I’m brave enough).

I will share interviews with cool people you know and don’t know.

I may even post some travel photos.

If you want to, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. You can get to it by clicking HERE.

You can also subscribe to my email list. I might send email.