S6E9 - Sara Deacon
This week’s guest is Sara Deacon, Life Balance Coach for Better Adulting, and podcaster.
Sara was working in postpartum care but once the pandemic hit, she began coaching full time when things went virtual. Her work became focused on young adults and teenagers. She works with them on decisions, understanding how to live in their core values and how to cope with different situations.
After her eldest son started learning karate, Sara decided to take on that challenge too and now she teaches martial arts part time. We chat about the lessons learned in practicing martial arts and starting such an activity as an adult.
Martial Arts & Crafts podcast where she talks about creativity and discipline, and freedom and structure. Throughout, we also chat about the importance of positive self-talk which is something Sara is passionate about.
Note from Rabiah (Host):
I change things up for this week and am going to stop recording an intro to the podcast unless I feel like it’ll add to the episodes. This should save listeners 2-5 minutes and me quite a bit of editing time so I can keep bringing you More Than Work. This episode with Sara is an easy listen and made me think more about what words I choose to talk about myself, in a perfect week for that to happen. I’m off to Edinburgh for Edinburgh Fringe tomorrow! Enjoy the show.
Rabiah (London) chats with Sara (Milwaukee) about coaching young adults, martial arts and the importance of the language we use.
Transcript
Rabiah Coon: [00:00:35] This is More Than Work, the podcast reminding you that your self worth is made up of more than your job title. Each week, I'll talk to a guest about how they discovered that for themselves. You'll hear about what they did, what they're doing and who they are. I'm your host, Rabiah. I work in IT, perform standup comedy, write, volunteer, and of course podcast.
Thank you for listening here. Here we go.
Hi everyone. So I've been recording something ahead of the podcast every week to set where we are with the podcast and set up the guest, but it becomes repetitive at the start. And also it's something that's taking some time that I don't have at the moment. So I want to keep doing More Than Work, but I also need to try to manage it better. And one thing I'm going to do is stop [00:01:35] doing the recording at the front. I don't know if that adds anything to the podcast so I think it's just nice to let you guys get into the podcast going forward. And if I have any news I have to share, I can share it, but really I think some of the stuff I share is stuff I don't even tell my friends sometimes. So, anyway, from this podcast on you should get right into it. I think that'll optimize things for the listener and a little bit for me from the production. I really love doing this podcast. I really love sharing the guests with you. And I might get back to doing this part in the front again, later on, but right now, in order to keep bringing you the podcast every week, this is the part that I decided I have to cut. I have a good friend who was on the podcast before Jim, who was talking to me just yesterday, about what things I can eliminate and I don't want to eliminate the podcast, but I just want to take out this part. So thank you, Jim. I did listen to your advice, and, here's the podcast.[00:02:35]
Rabiah Coon: Hey everyone. My guest today is Sara Deacon. She's a life balance coach for better adulting plus a lot more so we'll be getting into that. So thanks for being on Sara.
Sara Deacon: Thanks for having me.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. Glad you're here. So where am I talking to you from today?
Sara Deacon: I am coming at you from Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
Rabiah Coon: nice. I actually made a friend there recently in a class that I've been in or not recently in the last year and a half. And I'm I joined a board of an organization in Milwaukee so I kind of have a connection to your city for the
Sara Deacon: Oh,
Rabiah Coon: time in my life. Yeah. So how is, how's it going there? It's I guess getting warm, right?
Sara Deacon: Yes. Yes. We are winding down the school year so it's crazy making time for the kids that are be still kind of cooped up in school for the next week. And then the weather's all nice. And it's. Light out later and they don't wanna go to bed. And all that good stuff.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. So the life of the, the parents, but it's nice that they're back [00:03:35] in school, I
Sara Deacon: Yes. Yeah. They've been, they've been in school all year.
Rabiah Coon: That's great. Yeah. I think cuz you're a parent that works and I think that probably had to be a lot, a lot of a change for you last year, versus...
Sara Deacon: last year was a, it was interesting it was interesting. My kids, they did. Okay. I have a middle schooler who you know, didn't do great with the virtual learning. So when they were able to go back, he, he went back and and then my, my middle son is 10 and the, this year he's in the fourth grade, but in the third grade, he just, he really missed a lot of his friends. He missed seeing, seeing his, his people. He's he's social. Like I am, so I could go and say, okay, I'm gonna do a lot of virtual networking or whatever, but he didn't quite have the same ability, but he was able to study with one of his friends who we watched during the school year for his parent who worked so that was helpful for all of us because just having an [00:04:35] extra friend in the house. Better for everyone.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. And I mean, I just, I don't know. I know what I went through during that time, just being by myself, but I know for people, with kids and people with family stuff, it's a lot different. And so I think actually maybe we should just start off with what you do, because I think it'll be interesting to hear too, if this affected how you think of your job just dealing with your kids at home, but so you are a coach. And that's what we're talking about when you say life balance coach, but can you talk about your coaching and kind of what you, what you do and who you coach.
Sara Deacon: Yeah, absolutely. I actually came to life coaching sort of because of the pandemic. I had been in postpartum care before, so I would go into homes and help with new babies and help families and support them emotionally and physically. And. All the things informationally, that was a big one. And so I, even before 2020, I had been considering adding coaching to those services, but once [00:05:35] 2020 hit and I really lost the momentum with the in person support in postpartum, I did that thing that we don't like to talk about the P word pivot I had to pivot. And and then basically I, I turned all the way around and I turned toward towards the full coaching, because I could do that virtually. I could do that over the phone. I could do that online from anywhere. And and then coming to coach the, the teenagers and young people, I.
That was more of a, as I began coaching and practicing with people, I knew more and more people started to ask me, Hey, do you work with teenagers? Cuz they could really use some support. And as I sat with that and really looked into it there, the struggles again that we have gone through the last couple of years.
Has really, it's really been hard on people who were in high school or coming out of high school, the ones who missed graduation or who missed those, those milestone events, [00:06:35] the homecomings, the games, the sports, the, there are a lot of kids whose identities were literally wrapped up in the sport they played or the activity they did.
And they ended up just being really lost. So that was, again, it pulled at my heart and I'm just like, yeah, that's where I need to be. That's who I need to talk to because so much of our confidence and our ability to make good choices comes from the way we see ourselves and who we think we are.
I guess the really short version of the last couple years and how I came to coaching and then how I came to coach the younger the younger adults, the new, the new adults.
Rabiah Coon: Well, yeah, and I guess what's interesting is I've had coaches on the podcast before one relationship coach and one business coach, but it's, it's interesting how at different points in our life we'll need different kinds of guidance because as someone, you know, in my forties, of course I have the baggage of the last 40 years [00:07:35] and whatever's come from my professional career and personal relationships and stuff.
And so. What are the issues? You mentioned a little bit, but what are the issues that you have ended up focusing on that are similar to adults, but also what what's different?
Sara Deacon: Right. Well, and as, as I've talked to adults, I talk to a lot of business owners and a lot of other coaches too, as I talk to them, they say, you know, I say, I work with people who are new to adulting and some of the, their responses that are well, I feel like I'm new to adulting some days too. And we have, you know, tools and we've been able to develop and hone our skills of how to cope with various things when things change unexpectedly or when we are disappointed or going through grief, we know that there are places and people that we could reach out to for support for these things, whether it's friends, family, or professionals different services that are out there.
And. So a lot of the issues are the same that I talk with the [00:08:35] teenagers and the adults. It's just that the teenagers are more like kind, I don't, I don't wanna say entirely blank slates, but they kind of are. They are sponges. They're open to learning how to cope and how to, how to get that, that foundation of stability or confidence inside themselves because they really do wanna own their future. They wanna step up, they wanna make a difference. They're super empathetic. They're super caring, kind, passionate, compassionate. I mean, they have just so much to give and they really do wanna make a difference. And a lot of adults do too.
I'm not discounting that or dismissing that, but just, it, it is really exciting because this, the specific people I work with are the, the kids who are driven, they're passionate, they have a lot of opportunities and then they just kind of get overwhelmed. It's sort of that analysis paralysis where there's so [00:09:35] many good choices that they
are wondering which choice will be the right one or the best one or the one they really want to do. And that comes in with with my coaching. Then we, we get to the root of, well, who are you? What, what kind of. What kind of person do you wanna be? What kind of life do you wanna have? And then let's look at where your passions are, what your values are and see what we can come up with together, how to move forward into your adulthood in a way that aligns with all of those things.
Rabiah Coon: mm-hmm yeah. And it's almost identifying their values early. Cause I think a lot of us don't really do that. We think we know who we are and then I don't know, like don't live in a way that's aligned to the values we think we have.
Sara Deacon: Yeah. And that's, that's a thing that's been passion, you know, a passion of mine is that, you know, just living the values and one of my core values is [00:10:35] creativity. So I am working on, you know, let's bring the creativity into my business, into my family life, into, you know, if I, I ha I also have my part-time job teaching martial arts, so that is an opportunity to, to bring a different side, a different type of creativity. So that that's something I'm really passionate about. I'm passionate about connecting with people because we are all connected. So I very much try to walk my talk when it comes to living my values. And that again was something I really didn't learn explicitly to do, to name and to, you know, be intentional about until I'm, you know, an adult. So the way I'm raising my kids is to be more aware of that. Okay. Here's what, here's what the values are. Here's what they mean. Here's how to show up and here's how to behave in a way that aligns with it. And that's, you know, what I'm hoping to do for the teens I work with as well is getting them, [00:11:35] you know, early, able to be intentional, be in alignment and be authentic to who they are as they, as they make decisions about their, their life, their future it's, it's not necessarily going to go always the way they want it to, but if they have that core foundation of I'm living with my values, I'm making the right choice for me, then they can better cope with those changes or those setbacks or those hiccups in the, in the plan?
Rabiah Coon: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And it's part of just getting resilience too. So one thing I do like to ask people who coach is how do you view coaching versus therapy? And when do you think someone can benefit from a coach versus you saying, actually this requires something else?
Sara Deacon: Yeah, I, I think there's a lot of overlap. I actually have a niece who is an art therapist, and so we get together and we kind of geek out over how [00:12:35] we help people. And a lot of it is similar because, you know, there is in therapy there's a lot of looking back at old patterns, you know, behaviors programming and things like that.
With coaching, there seems to be more of an emphasis on looking forward, looking ahead. Okay. What got you where you are now? There's nothing wrong with it. And, what got you here, won't get you to your next level. So then we look at some of those past behaviors and patterns and programming, and then we work on undoing it so that we can move.
Therapists and coaches can work very well in collaboration just as part of an overall wellness team. If you're dealing with severe trauma abuse, major grief, like that's not gonna be my wheelhouse because I don't have the medical type of training that can navigate some of those issues. That said there are coaches out there that have excellent training and backgrounds in different, different things and can have a [00:13:35] powerful impact.
And it really is just about finding the right person who can help and support and meet your needs and help you with your goals.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. And it's always just interesting for me to hear, because I definitely I've been in therapy for many years, but I've also, I'm working with a coach right now for a specific area of my life and it's interesting for me to see the overlap, but I'm definitely not gonna tell my coach things that I tell my, therapist.
And my therapist is definitely not gonna help me with things my coach can. So it's a very interesting thing to, to look at to me. What do you think as far as, like, we just talked to the very start we happened to chat about, you know, you having kids. was it hard to be their mom and not their coach sometimes? Or how does that work for you and did that help inform what you're doing now with working with kids?
Sara Deacon: I can give consent to coach my children because I'm their parent as well. But I was actually just talking with a coach last night about this because as we learn more about coaching techniques in [00:14:35] different ways of helping people discover their own power within themselves. Like that's a lot of what we wanna do as parents or mentors. If you have children in your life or if you teach, or if you, you know, if you are athletic coach or any type of influence on a young person you don't wanna give them the answers.
I mean, as a parent, I sometimes do want to do that but I mean, ultimately my goal as a parent is to, you know, build an adult is capable and independent and compassionate and a contributing member of society. Somebody who's going to, you know, build their own legacy in the future, right? So if I give them all the answers, because that's how I want things to be, then that's not gonna get them to where they need to go. Being a parent actually has equipped me very well for coaching. You [00:15:35] know, I could say I've been a coach my whole life and then being a parent really leveled up my skills because you know, I've just sort of always seen the, the thing behind the thing, like when people would come to me with drama or struggles, it's like, okay, well, What's really happening and that's what coaching does. It, you dig underneath, you know, just even raising toddlers it's they come and they complain and they're crying about the wrong color cup.
Well, it's not really about the cup. It's about some sort of lack of control or. Some other emotion that's at play. So it really is very informative. Just being a parent or, you know, being around young people, I have, I've also done childcare and I like, I teach kids in martial arts. So a lot of that training has helped me and yeah.
And, and then having them. at, at home in the pandemic. It was, it was really neat to see some of the way the teachers coached them. Cuz it is, is there's, there's so much overlap. [00:16:35] You know, some coaches out there do the thing where they're, "I'm gonna tell you what to do and I'm gonna hold you accountable and you're gonna check the list and you're gonna do what I say."
And some people need that. There's nothing necessarily wrong or bad or right or whatever about it. I'm sort of more of a mentor guide type of approach. And that's again, kind of how I teach, how I, you know, parent and then how I coach is, well, you have what you need. Let's get you to a place where you can trust yourself.
So I don't do a ton of homework or worksheets or assessments, exercises like that because, or, you know, checking in, checking up, do this, do that. I prefer to just, you know, let people integrate the learning that they get from themselves based on the question and guidance that I give.
Rabiah Coon: Mm-hmm . Yeah, that makes, that makes a lot of sense. And a friend and I were just talking today about how we can all [00:17:35] read all the self-help books we want and we can all seek all the advice we want, but until we apply it, we're not really are empowering ourselves, you know? And he was saying how sometimes he'll read something and be like, ah, you know, this is it.
This is what I wanted to know. But then when he applies it, that's when he really feels like got it.
Sara Deacon: And that's the, that's the real value of coaching. Cause I know if many people out there are like me, I will read and absorb all the things and I feel like I'm doing something, but, you know, immediately after I close that book, it's like, I've forgotten 90% of what's in it. And maybe those one or two things will stick with me and I'll get a new level of awareness or I'll a new level of understanding and be able to apply something like that's always my goal and my intention when I pick up a new book, when I read through it or take a course or find a free download of something, you know, I want to absorb their learning, but like nine times outta 10, it's not anything that I actually, like you said, [00:18:35] apply or integrate. So working with a coach, you're able to actually sort of really, really give yourself the time to get into it and really feel it like that, learning and how, and see how it can apply and how it can impact different aspects of your life.
Rabiah Coon: mm-hmm so one last question around this, this subject, but at this point then when you're coaching teens and young people, the parents are really seeking out someone to help their kid with something and giving up some power I'd say, or some influence in a way. And so if, if maybe a parent's listening who thinks, yeah, there's some stuff, my kids going through that I can't really help them with like maybe, you know, they didn't go to school and their kids about to go to college, stuff like that. Like that would've been my situation., Right, where what, like, what would you say to a parent thinking of asking for help, but then also being like, I don't really wanna do that [00:19:35] in a way, cuz I'm the parent?
Sara Deacon: Well, and I think that that is, it does take a level of humility. And you know, the, the parent has to do that work on themselves saying like, Hey, I guess maybe I don't know everything, but it's, it's not necessarily all about that. What I see myself doing is I come alongside the parent.
Most of the time I will interview the parents before talking to their, their child because I really wanna get a feel for where the parent is at. What the parent sees as the struggle. And I wanna make sure that I'm on the same page with the parent, because what I do is I come in and I essentially say what the parent would say in a way that then their teenager can receive it because the thing with teenagers is they are sick of being told what to do by their parent. They think they know their answers, but deep [00:20:35] down, you know, they, they know they still have probably more questions than answers. And sometimes it's just not like as, as good as a relationship can be with the parent, which a lot of times it is. And the, the parents have invested a lot into their, into their young adults and they do understand that it is time to step back and give their, their child that, that power, that ownership. So that it's actually a really expansive collaboration. It's bringing somebody else into the circle, kind of like in postpartum, somebody who is not as invested as not as attached, who can also speak that, that adult wisdom and that truth to the. The young person. in a way that again, they can receive because it is for, for them, I'm they know I'm showing up for them. [00:21:35] Yes, I've collaborated with the parent cause a lot of time the parent is the one paying for it, the coaching. So it, there is a level of collaboration with the parent, but I'm not there for the parent.
I'm there for them. And they know that. They, they do appreciate having another adult voice. I'm again, I see myself as part of a team. I, I don't come in with an agenda. And sometimes it can be difficult if maybe during the course of coaching, the decision is made that maybe goes against maybe what the parent would want, but that's another level of, then I get to coach them on
how do we communicate with the parent? How do, how do you take, take ownership of this and have the resilience and, and overcome the fear of talking about making a different decision than maybe your parents would expect, or like? So that's, that's just another level and another opportunity for them to take steps and gain their confidence as they, [00:22:35] they grow into their, their own selves into their own adulthood.
Rabiah Coon: Well, yeah. And like doing that, like making decisions, your parents wouldn't necessarily agree with doesn't end. If, when you're at 18.
Sara Deacon: that's
true.
Rabiah Coon: at all.
Sara Deacon: Assume like you may be talking from experience there.
Rabiah Coon: little bit of experience. Yeah. yeah. You mentioned martial arts and that you teach martial arts, but you're also black belt.
So can you talk about your martial arts practice and how you came into that and what it's done for you, etcetera.
Sara Deacon: Yeah, that's a fun story too. Well I have three kids. I have three sons, so they are currently 14, 10, and seven. And when my oldest was just about seven, we decided to put him into, into karate. And so for the last, almost eight years now, He has done karate. And I started watching him on the mat and how the instructors worked with him.
We are in an [00:23:35] organization that is very purpose and values driven, high emphasis on values as behaviors, applying those, those lessons of self discipline, respect, courage into the, their real. Real world experiences. They're very they, they don't earn their next belt rank unless they are achieving their goals at school and at home and everything's going, going well, and they're actually making improvements.
So that was. Sort of my introduction into the martial arts world. Cause I never did it as, as a kid. I had, I think one friend who did, and so, yeah, I never did it as a kid, but it was really, really powerful and impactful for my oldest son. My middle son then joined like a year later. And then by the time my youngest joined that was maybe four ish years ago. My youngest joined. And then after the third family member joined, then the additional family members were free to join. Like [00:24:35] no monthly membership fee so, so when my little one joined, I stepped on the mat for the first time myself and I was really excited and nervous and didn't wanna. Screw it up. I had actually started working out like the summer before, because I was like, I don't wanna just be out of shape.
middle aged mom stepping on the mat. But it was great cuz they, it really is a school where we meet you aware you are, we make sure you're comfortable, you know, what to expect and we wanna make you look and feel awesome doing, doing the moves. And so, yeah, I started as a white belt almost. Maybe yeah, four ish years ago and the trajectory to black belt, I just, you know, I just kept showing up to class.
I was invited to do the leadership, the legacy instructor training. My sons also are in the leadership program, so they learn how to instruct starting when they're 7, 8, 9 years old, they start learning some [00:25:35] instructor tools, how to speak, how to get people to to do what you ask them to do. And, and some of these high level communication skills that man, I wish I had when I was seven years old because they are learning tools. And I, I love talking to my kids because they just, they are, they're really articulate and they have this level of self-awareness that I don't see in a ton of other children, but we are surrounded a lot by martial artists.
So it is easy to kind of get into this expectation that all people are communicating like this, but we are, we are kind of rare. In actuality, when we get out into the real world, it's like, oh, I have to, I have to use even more high level skills, talking with people who don't have the same tools or language or vocabulary that we have, or the experience with the discipline.
So I feel like my martial arts journey started seven years ago when my oldest started, and then personally my growth [00:26:35] just really took off once I actually started the physical practice because I really feel like getting into the physical body is so powerful for unlocking a lot of the blocks we have in our mind as well.
So, I receive training and mentoring and instructing and personally in communication with the martial arts school and the owners of our school. And it has, it has. Really expanded me in my business. And and I do apply a lot of the, the lessons from the martial arts into our, into my coaching practice as well.
Although I don't actually have people punch and kick stuff unless they need to anyway, I haven't had to do it yet, but I could, I could teach 'em some stuff if I wanted to, but what's really cool is, I mean, you step out onto the mat as a white belt, you know, however many years ago, At the level of black belt.
I mean, I was in a class this week and we were doing board break, which we don't do often in our school, but we were practicing some [00:27:35] board breaks and the instructor was like, okay, in this way, you're going to do this spin hook, kick to break the board. And I'm like, What or a jump spin hook kick. Now I'm not one for jumping, cuz I don't wanna hurt myself, but I just, I was like, okay. And then I just did a spin hook kick. And I was like, what? Like I never thought in my mid forties that I would be doing spin hook kicks with. Not very much advanced notice. But I I've been in martial arts for years now.
So there's, that's, that's the notice I had like that
Rabiah Coon: Yeah.
Sara Deacon: You don't step out on a mat being expected to do a spin hook kick, or a jump spin hook kick, or, you know, a flying side kick or whatever it is. You build to that. And that's in anything, in any new practice. Whether it's a mental, spiritual, emotional, or physical practice, you have to start where you, where you are, you start at the beginning and then you just keep showing up. That's the discipline. That's the resilience. That's that's the work.[00:28:35]
Rabiah Coon: Yeah, well, and I guess just along those lines, I think as the older we get as adults, the more scary it becomes to go and try to learn a new thing, whatever that is.
I think we both share a value about education and learning. And mine would, I'd say of curiosity is really my value that extends to all that. But what, what do you think about it. And what do you say to someone who's like, yeah, I wanna learn this thing, but I'm scared. I won't be good at it, or I'm scared.
I don't know how to learn at this point.
Sara Deacon: Oh man. Just you wanna learn a thing? Go, go someplace who's doing the thing.
Rabiah Coon: Mm-hmm
Sara Deacon: Talk to someone who's doing the thing and they'll usually, if they're passionate about it, they will tell you all the best things about it and sort of put your mind at ease. The other thing I just heard recently was, you know, fear feeds on time. So the longer you kind of worry and stress about how embarrassing it might be or how hard it might be, then the less [00:29:35] likely you might be to actually like push through that fear and go do it. So if you're thinking about doing a thing, just go do the thing. Just, just go, just try it. You can always stop, but starting is probably the hardest thing to do. That's we say it at the, at the school, like the white belt really is the hardest one to, to earn, although you earn it at the end of your first class,
like it's all it takes is the courage to step out on the mat and just do your best.
And that's that, that is really for anything it's. I mean, I, they have the, the couch to 5k programs. It's like, well, the first step is getting off the couch and deciding that it's worth it. Deciding that. Staying stuck in the same thing that you're doing is gonna be more painful for you than taking that, that first step in a new direction.
Rabiah Coon: Mm-hmm . Yeah. And one thing [00:30:35] along those lines, too, that I, I heard that I think is so true. And someone said it to me more recently is if you want to do something and you don't go and try to do it today a year from now, you'll probably still wanna do it but now a whole year has passed.
Sara Deacon: mm-hmm
Rabiah Coon: It's not gonna change your desire possibly to
Sara Deacon: time is gonna pass regardless.
Rabiah Coon: \ Yeah. So either you're closer to your black belt or you're not, but the time went by. One thing you said too, that your kids have learned and you've learned in like the leadership course of the Mar martial arts is just about communication and how to communicate.
And one thing that's important to you is word choice and how that impacts, I guess, communication. So can you talk a little bit about what that is to you?
Sara Deacon: Yeah, there's, there's a few little shifts that you can make with, with word choice. And I really feel like it starts with our self talk. A lot of us, we will talk to ourselves in a way we would never talk to anybody else [00:31:35] and that we. Literally beat somebody else up for talking to, to our best friend, the way we talk to ourselves.
If we make a mistake, we're, like, oh man, I'm such an idiot or whatever, like really would you call like your kid an idiot if they screw up? No, you're gonna, you love your kid. You're gonna say like, not, I mean, it was just a mistake. That's now you've learned one way that doesn't work.
Like. There's, there's a, a totally different way of talking to somebody you really care about and wanna see succeed than sometimes we talk to ourselves. So like I've really made it a practice to talk to myself in the way I would talk to like my kids or my best friend or my husband or whatever. And, and so sometimes it's just like little shifts in the word choice that we make for one of the really big ones.
Is everywhere is changing the word you to the word I, when you're talking about yourself, [00:32:35] right? Because a lot of us, we do this thing where we say, oh, you know how, when you do this thing, you feel this way. Well, maybe the person you're talking to doesn't, but we, we sort of outsource that so that it, cuz it feels a little safer.
because then we're not taking ownership of that feeling. But if I say, well, when I step out on the mat, I feel really nervous because I know we're going to do this really hard thing that it changes. It gives you this ownership. And I feel like that has given me a lot of confidence if I just think, okay, if I'm talking about me, I'm going to use I and me.
Rabiah Coon: Mm-hmm
Sara Deacon: and I'm gonna really be intentional about when I say you, because I it's true. I don't know what the, you might be thinking or feeling, right? So that's, that's one thing, if you watch the news, you'll hear that like a lot or TV or anything. Like a lot of [00:33:35] people use. You when they really are talking about themselves.
Rabiah Coon: Mm-hmm
Sara Deacon: so that's one, another one is the should, oh, I should really do this. Oh, I should do that. And it's like, well, that's a little bit of a judgey word. And if we say, well, I'm gonna choose to, or I get to do this hard thing. It changes the feeling. It changes the whole energy of. The self talk or the talk to somebody else.
So there there's a ton of words. that I could probably talk a whole episode or more on all of the different word shifts. If, if you just implement a couple at a time, like it'll, it'll change your whole perspective.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. I, I agree.
Sara Deacon: yeah.
Rabiah Coon: I
Sara Deacon: I was an English major in, in college. So , I've been a word nerd for a long time.
And just seeing the impact [00:34:35] of these changes, it, it has made a world of difference.
Rabiah Coon: Hmm. Yeah. Never is another word that just kind of.
Sara Deacon: Never, always, everybody, no one. Those are, those are drama.
words
Rabiah Coon: Yeah, totally. Oh, cool. So you mentioned that you did an episode, so you have a podcast called Martial Arts and Crafts podcast. So what's your podcast about
Sara Deacon: So my podcast it's called martial arts and crafts. Like I, I mentioned before, I'm a creative person and I, I really value creativity. And because of the impact, literally that martial arts has made on my life. I, I sort of fell in love with it, and I sort of, as a joke figured, Hey, I'll just do martial arts and crafts.
I like word play and it turned into this thing and I, I made a podcast called Martial Arts and Crafts. So we talk about creativity and discipline and structure. A lot of these, you know, [00:35:35] personal development kind of, kind of things. And sometimes I'll tie it into the martial arts sometimes I don't, but it really is about that.
About freedom and structure and creativity and discipline. So it's kind of the, the duality of that, the overlap and the connection between things that don't always seem connected.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. Yeah, that's true. And, and creativity does take discipline because.
Sara Deacon: Mm-hmm
Rabiah Coon: It's the, it's the difference between like, for me, I want to be a writer versus I am a writer. That's, you know, for me, it's the discipline.
Sara Deacon: That's the identity piece too. The identifying yourself as what you wanna be instead of saying, oh, well, when I have this, that, or the other thing, or meet this goal, then I will do X and be Y. But if you start with the who you are, and I start identifying with who you wanna be, that's, that's where a whole, whole new horizon [00:36:35] opens up.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. Oh, for sure. Well, we've talked quite a bit about different things that can be construed as advice but do you have any, do you have any advice or mantra that you wanna share? Like if there was one thing you'd wanna say to people that you haven't?
Sara Deacon: I. I've talked about the words. If, if you can make those little word shifts, change you to, I change should to get, I get to those are, those are some great places to start. And another thing is, is what you focus on, that's what that, that's what grows that's what comes to you. So I always try to do to speak from the positive, instead of saying something like, oh, I wanna quit smoking or whatever it is say, I am a nonsmoker. I do a lot with my kids. Like instead of saying don't run in the street, they don't hear don't. Say walk on the sidewalk. So whatever it is, you wanna do frame it to the positive because our, our brains don't [00:37:35] register that don't or not, or whatever.
Like you're actually still focusing on the thing you don't want, if you, if you frame it that way. So where your focus goes, that's where their energy goes. And. That is what's gonna grow. So that, that would be another piece of advice I would, I would leave your, your audience with too is try and frame. If you're, if you're wanting to make a change, frame it to the positive.
And even if you're giving somebody feedback, say what you want, ask for what you want. A lot of us focus so much on what we wanna avoid or what we don't want, but we're still focusing on that thing. if you think about intentionally saying what you do want to bring in, what you do want to see someone else do.
If you're a leader, if you're coaching, somebody, ask for what you want. Don't say, I'm going to tell you what I don't want. So focus on the, the result, the impact, the outcome you want instead of what you don't want. That would be, that would be [00:38:35] my last bit of, bit of wisdom I could share.
Rabiah Coon: perfect. I think that's, for me, it's been valuable to hear just now.
and
Rabiah Coon: My last set of questions is called the Fun Five, and I ask everybody this set of questions. So we'll, we'll do those. What's the oldest t-shirt you have and still wear?
Sara Deacon: I. Don't know that I have anything that's super old. Several years ago, I, we got the, there was a t-shirt pack from this show called the venture brothers and we got the, the weekly t-shirts or something. So I think those are the oldest ones that I still wear, cuz that was, I don't know, maybe six or eight years ago. I don't know. I'm not sure how long ago those are, but
my t-shirts. relatively new and in good shape. So and I don't wear a lot of t-shirts. I wear mostly our karate t-shirts now when I wear t-shirts I wear the karate ones.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah. Cool. If every [00:39:35] day was really Groundhog's Day, like in the film where the same song woke you up every day from your alarm clock, what song would you have your alarm clock play?
Sara Deacon: So I, I love this question. You sent this one to me. And the first one that came to my mind is actually from a playlist I made based around my word of the year. I do a thing where I pick a, a word for the whole year and my word this year is "shine". And so the one from that playlist that I think would be great to wake up to every morning is "I Just Wanna Shine" by Fitz and the Tantrums.
And it's just a great little song. It's upbeat. And the line in it is like "today is gonna be my day". Like it's just, it's a really cool little song and it, it gets me, it makes me happy.
Rabiah Coon: Awesome. Oh, that's good. And I don't think I have one of their songs on my list. Maybe I do. There's a Spotify playlist with all the songs, so that's pretty eclectic. So this will be a nice add.
Sara Deacon: oh, fun. Yeah. I like it.
Rabiah Coon: All right. So coffee or tea or neither?
Sara Deacon: Can I say both?
Rabiah Coon: You [00:40:35] can
Sara Deacon: I do have, I do have a small cup of coffee in the morning. I'm not like a extra fancy coffee drinker, but I'm not a black coffee drinker. I have to have a, a little milk in it, but I do love tea. Sometimes I'll I'll ditch the coffee, but I will always drink tea.
Rabiah Coon: Nice. Cool. So can you think of something that really makes you like laugh so hard you cry or something that just cracks you up when you think of it?
Sara Deacon: It's usually my kids, it's something about my kids. One thing is just my seven year old is just almost like a carbon copy of his dad. So just seeing, seeing him resemble my husband has just been hilarious at times. And then the other one is my 14 year old, like.
Just even last night, I just looked at him and he just starts cracking up. So every time I think of that and just like, he's this, you know, growing young man, teenage boy. And I'm just like, I just, like, I'm not even looking at him in a weird way, but he's just like cracking up. And that just is my favorite. Cause I'm just like, it just makes me [00:41:35] happy that I can just like look at him and he is like, stop it. like, I'm not even doing anything.
Rabiah Coon: Yeah, but that's great. I mean, I think with family and I, like with siblings too, it's like that, you know, you just start laughing for no reason. Alright. Last one who inspires you right now?
Sara Deacon: I'm gonna, I'm gonna give the mom answer again. My kids really do like they, each, each of the three of them spectacular in their own way and they challenge me. And if it hadn't been for them, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Because again with the martial arts, it was this lesson of looking at myself and seeing what I was asking them to do and challenging myself and saying, if I'm not willing to be an example of living values in this way, how can I expect them to do the same thing? Where else are they gonna see it the most? And that's, that comes from me. That [00:42:35] comes from their dad that comes from us as the examples in their lives.
So they are really inspiring because they do, they hold up that mirror of. You know, our best selves and our worst selves. So they the conversations I have even just with my 10 year old are just powerful and exciting and he is brilliant. And I mean, they all are, and they just challenge me in their own different, special ways. And it is just a pleasure to, to have them around.
Rabiah Coon: Hmm. Well, that's, that's great. And that's nice that that's your experience with your kids and that you talk about them in that way for sure. Cuz some people don't, you know. Like there's a lot of online, especially people say stuff about their kids and I just go, those are your kids, like what are you doing?
Sara Deacon: I, if I can change the way we use our language online, oh, it will be a beautiful world.
Rabiah Coon: mm-hmm yeah, for sure. For sure. Well, people wanna look you up and look up your coaching or your podcast or [00:43:35] whatever, where do you want them to go?
Sara Deacon: Well, my main website is sara deacon dot com (saradeacon.com). That's for the coaching. And the podcast is wherever you listen to podcasts. It's Martial Arts and Crafts. And the social handles. I have saradeaconcoach, just my name and coach. No H and Sara. And mymartialartsncrafts. So it's the letter N.
Because the ampersand doesn't do it for the for the social handle. So mymartialartsncrafts is the social on Instagram, Facebook and saradeaconcoach. And yeah, I'm I'm out there. I'm all Rob
Rabiah Coon: Metkeol. cool. Well, Sara, thanks so much. It was really nice talking to you and I know people are gonna love this episode, so thank you.
Sara Deacon: Yeah. Awesome. It was so great to be here. Thank you.
Rabiah Coon: Thanks for listening. You can learn more about the guest and what was talked about in the show notes. Joe Maffia created the music you're listening to. You can find him on Spotify at Joe M A F F I A. Rob Metke [00:44:35] does all the design for which I am so grateful. You can find him online by searching Rob M E T K E.
Please leave your review. If you like the show and get in touch via feedback or guest ideas. The pod is on all the social channels at, @morethanworkpod or at Rabiah comedy (@rabiahcomedy) on TikTok. And the website is more than work pod dot com (morethanworkpod.com). While being kind to others, don't forget to be kind to yourself.
